Farmer’s Mistress

Farmer’s Mistress describes itself as “naturally naughty”.  Sitting on Battersea High Street, this new eatery encapsulates the clean-eating stereotype.  Every dish is refined sugar-free and unsurprisingly they cater to any millennial-afflicted gluten-free, dairy-free, whatever-free diet.  Its founder Joanna Gascoigne, a “qualified health coach”, wanted to create something indulgent but healthy, or in her words, “to bring a little bit of naughtiness and fun to being healthy“.  Though their vibe feels like an attempt to put a cheeky twist on restrictive eating, I was pleasantly surprised to discover just how undeniably delicious – albeit healthy – their food was.  I’d even go as far to say that this is probably one of Battersea’s best brunch spots.

Whilst Farmer’s Mistress has felt like something of a hidden secret this side of the river, a queue had formed by 11am.  It’s clearly very popular with local folk and those from north of the river (Chelsea in particular).  Farmer’s Mistress definitely has a Made in Chelsea vibe, which is clear from their clientele, the menu and the very slick décor. The moto “naturally naughty” is plastered in neon typeface on the wall in what is a very darkly lit space that runs effortlessly from day to night.  At the back of the main dining room, there’s a lovely bright, atrium space with high benches and bar stools.  It’s all very intimate, every corner decorated to pristine perfection.

Although I was a tad suspect of their clean-eating vibe, the menu is very impressive and prices reasonable.  Brunch staples are served in hearty portions and I was spoilt for choice: a slice of “naughty” (vegan) banana loaf served with banana brulée, pistachio and fudgey honeycomb and my favourite vegan ice cream pecan praline Booja Booja, or one of their signature fritters?

In the mood for something sweet, in the end I went for the freshly baked sourdough Nutty Crumpets (£7.50).  Great dollops of silky smooth almond butter were generously slathered onto each crumpet and topped with creamy caramelised bananas that had a fantastic crunch to them.  For added “naughty” decadence, cacao nibs and maple syrup were scattered on top, along with very picturesque edible flowers.  These filling crumpets were everything you’d want from a sweet brunch and totally moreish.  I found them so dreamy that after much searching, I’ve sourced some sourdough vegan crumpets from Waitrose for my New Year’s Day brekkie which will no doubt be paired alongside a good old nut butter.


My companion equally enjoyed her Farmers Fritters (£12.50).  Served with summer bean salsa, smashed avo (obvs), and a poached egg, it had a great smoky quality from the chilli jam.


The coffee is also top notch: the beans are roasted by Gentleman Baristas, and they have every type of non-dairy milk you could hope for to go with.

Battersea High Street is fully of quirky independent shops: Flour to the People; an authentic Italian café Il Molino and a very magical Secret Garden.  Whilst Farmer’s Mistress feels like it’s running on a food fad, I’m glad to find somewhere local with so many tempting (healthy) options.

Farmer’s Mistress, 300 Battersea Park Rd, Battersea, London SW11 3BU


Rating: *****

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